My REAL due date!

  Story time: yesterday when we were talking to my midwife, we discovered the snafu with my due date. It turns out that no doctor ever said January 12th was my due date. In their notes, they originally gave me the due date of January 3rd. One of the times I was in the hospital, it says in their notes that I told them January 12th was my due date. It's funny because I now remember saying that, and it was on the first hospital stay when I had a high fever, low blood pressure, and major dehydration from hyperemesis. I remember being way out of it, but I now remember saying it. So my OFFICIAL due date on EVERYONE's records is January 3rd. Which means little bear is due in just 4 days.
  Yesterday I went in for my weekly check in type appointment, and it turns out I am dilated between a 1 and 2. Last week at my other visit, I was not dilated at all. My contractions get heavier everyday and a little more consistent but not by much. Little bear's head is all the way down where it needs to be, and he's ready to go according to my midwife. Now we are just waiting for my body to catch up. I'm wondering if little bear will be a 2015 or 2016 baby? We'll see :) I would like it if he was born in the next couple days since we have some family still in town from Christmas.
  Yesterday my husband and I went grocery shopping in an effort to get some more contractions going. We walked all around the store. I think it probably helped, but I was too exhausted to notice any difference. Today we are going out to get a couple things purchased before our school semesters start again. I opted to take much simpler classes this semester so that I can keep up with school and the newborn little bear. So I'll be buying some stuff for my classes today.
  Not much else in the way of news, but I am finally up to 173 pounds. Just two pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight. It's a huge relief, and now I'm not so worried if I lose a little bit again before little bear is born. We are so close!

I'm a Believer!

  I know I tend to excessively drone on about how amazing and wonderful my husband is. But you wouldn't believe how incredibly blessed I am to have him. The first year of our marriage was hard, as most marriages are. But since I've been pregnant, things have gotten easier and so much happier/ nicer. I feel so much closer to him every day.
  Being 9 months pregnant now, my body hurts all the time. I get these wonderful (sarcasm) groin pains where the tendon or the muscle or something down there spasms uncontrollably and often hurts so badly that if I'm standing up, my knees go weak and once in a while I crumple to my knees. I have a bit of a hard time sleeping due to preggo bladder and aches and pains throughout the night. My belly and ribs hurt from being kicked. The list goes on (I hope it didn't sound complainy. That's really part of what I actually have to go through.) But on rough nights like last night, my poor husband gets woken up every time I wake up from me tossing and turning to get comfortable, getting up to go to the bathroom for the 5th time, or when I whimper in pain in my sleep. I feel so bad when I wake him up, but he always handles it with so much grace and selflessness. Last night I woke up first because my hips hurt, so I had to turn to my other side (which takes a lot of effort and time). I kind of grunted a little because it hurt and Corry wakes up and sweetly asks if I need a pillow to put between my knees to take pressure off my hips. So he handed me a pillow, gave me a kiss and asked if I was okay. Then he went back to sleep and so did I.
  Soon after that I woke up again for the same reason plus a contraction. I got on my elbows and knees to get through the contraction pain. I thought I was being really quiet, but sure enough Corry turns over in bed and puts a hand on my back, rubbing my back gently and asks again if I'm okay. I get through the contraction with his help and when another one doesn't come I lay on my side and he once again kisses my head but then pulls me close and cuddles me to him. We fall asleep again, and after a couple more times of this same thing, I wake up a few hours later having to go to the bathroom. It's very hard for me to get out of bed by myself, but I wanted to try so I wouldn't wake him up. After 5 minutes of breathing through it and only managing to get to my knees, I feel a hand on my back and a hand take mine and pull me up out of bed. I go to the bathroom and come back to bed. Once again he asks "are you okay?", kisses my head and goes back to sleep. There was a lot of this last night. But instead of getting frustrated or letting me get through it on my own, he woke up with me every time I woke up and helped me, made sure I was okay, and kissed my head. Then the alarm went off at 7, and I was beyond nauseous and hurting. I was trying to breathe through it. My sweet husband rolls over and wraps his arms around me and kisses my head saying "Shh, it's okay I've got you." And massages my back a little, kissing my head.
  Seriously, probably mushy to you. But really, this is amazing.  I love my husband so much and I am so grateful for how amazing he is to me. I'm a very strong believer that my husband was meant to be a husband and a father. When we were first married, I have to admit that among all the hard times between us, I questioned if we weren't meant to be married. I questioned whether or not he was cut out to be a dad and father and whether I was cut out to be a mom and wife. But it's amazing what kinds of things and miracles can happen when you work hard and remember how much you love each other. It's also amazing what kind of miracles a pregnancy and baby can bring into your marriage.
  I am truly blessed. Just a few more weeks. I can't wait to see my husband hold our son for the first time.

AHHHHH

  A friend of mine who is just a week ahead of me in her pregnancy is currently at the hospital in labor. It's getting SO REAL! I'm not afraid of birth still, it's just crazy how close it's getting!!!

The struggle to gain or maintain weight.

 
*This post may get a little rant-y. I've had a hard day with this, and many people don't quite understand how emotional this struggle can be. I like to post as much about my pregnancy as I can in my blog to maybe help other first time pregnant moms like me, or even those who have struggles in their pregnancies.

  Today I had to go to the WIC office for an appointment. Every time I go in they have to weigh me because of the hyperemesis I had the first half of my pregnancy. If you've read my blog, you may remember that I lost about 35 pounds in the first couple months and could not gain it back very well. In fact, I still haven't made it up to my pre-pregnancy weight of 175. Last week at the same time on the same day, I weighed 172.5. I rejoiced and thought "yes! I am finally gaining weight! I don't have to go through this crap anymore!" Today at the same time on the same day of the week, I weighed 167 pounds. You have no idea how hard this was for me.
  Before you stop reading and say "oh BOO-HOO so you can't gain any weight! Most women would love to be in your shoes." Please be courteous and think again. Every time I lose weight, my doctor gives me the same talk about the possibility of a low birth weight baby, or other health complications that my son may have because I can't even keep weight on very long. I've been given that talk well over 20 times by 4 different doctors/OBs/midwives. Trust me, it isn't like I am not actively trying to gain weight. I eat the recommended amount of protein a day for pregnant women. Even a little more. I eat enough calories. I eat a balanced diet, but because of my inability to keep weight on, I have to have silly meals like baked beans, cheese, orange juice, bread. And when I eat, I have to eat as much as I can. Which is another really emotionally difficult thing for me 1.) because when I had hyperemesis I was in so much pain that eating was emotionally scarring because of pain and vomit episodes. 2.) I've been on the other end where I've struggled to lose weight, and eating this much food makes me emotional because of the "I have to eat less to weigh less" mentality. Which by the way, is not always necessarily true.
  I have a family member who had a struggle with weight gain when she was a teenager. She wasn't pregnant. She was underweight and sometimes scary underweight. I remember her saying things about how she would eat a giant burger and nothing would happen. Honestly, I was a little envious of her. I hated hearing her talk about it because I would often mistake it for bragging. It wasn't until I started going through this struggle that I realized how horribly wrong I was about her problem gaining weight. Even today I feel bad for rolling my eyes when she would talk about how skinny she was. I remember people telling her to "go eat a burger!" or something along those lines. I thought it was kind of funny at the time, but now I understand part of how she felt. And now I have to go through it, but with the added guilt/emotion of having a baby share my body while I worry about gaining enough to properly nourish and carry him.
  One thing I will never do again is tell a skinny person to go eat a burger. Never again will I sarcastically tell them "BOO HOO, being skinny must be so hard!" Those are very poisonous things to say to someone going through the struggle of weight gain. Because I dread seeing what numbers pop up when I step on that large silver scale. I pray that I will have at least retained or gained one pound each week. It is a real struggle. Even if you think it isn't.
  And even though I never really got along with the family member who struggled with weight gain, I want to apologize in this post to you. I'm sorry you had to go through it. It's emotionally taxing. And you get teased or discouraged by people a lot more (at least in my experience) than when you're trying to lose weight. I'm sorry if I ever discouraged you while you were struggling to gain weight. It sucks, and people don't often realize how much they "skinny shame" and how much it can hurt. It sucks that it took me this long and it took me actually experiencing it in order to understand.
  I didn't post this to get sympathy or pity, my intention was to maybe make people a little more aware of what they say to those who may be underweight. Skinny shaming really isn't funny. Neither is fat shaming. Or any kind of shaming. Weight gain can be a struggle, and I hope more people will become aware of it.

Week 34

This week:
-I did a lot of homework, classwork, and studying
-We did some packing and cleaning in prep. for moving day
-Had my first baby shower. Beautiful evening with beautiful people! I am so glad they did that for me. It was so sweet of them.
-Had another awesome and super fun baby shower thrown by my stepmom and my dad. I didn't realize how many of my friends have babies until there were 5 babies/ kids all in the same room. It was crazy! But so much fun. I got to hold lots of babies :)
-Found my first belly stretchmarks. They're faint, but they are there.
- We had some pretty insane flooding at our house. It was cool to watch, but when a leak started coming in the basement room where my husband and I live... yeah, it was less fun then.

Not much of an exciting week. In fact we are sitting here now doing homework and studying and such while we watch the crazy rain outside. It's supposed to flood again today. We have a creek that runs through the backyard of my father in law's property, and it swelled to well over 5 times it's regular size yesterday. The whole neighborhood was flooding. The creek swelled so much that it trapped us and those on our street. A daycare that is run out of someone's home down the street was flooded bigtime. My brother in law had to go help them get some kids out of the house. It's been pretty crazy. But overnight, the creek went back to a decent size and we were able to drive out. However, the road we are on is a gravel road and there was some considerable damage to it. I'll post more pictures later if it floods again.

Other than that, all is well. Baby is doing good, growing a lot. So much so that mommy now waddles 24/7 and her hips and back are frequently sore. I've had some interesting cravings the past couple days including blue slurpees, black olive and pepperoni pizza, spicy chicken wings with ranch, vanilla doctor pepper from sonic (gotta have that ice!), pineapple sorbet, and rocky road ice cream or butter pecan ice cream. My husband has been making me sriracha chicken for lunch and some dinners the past week, which does sort of help the cravings. But I can't get pizza off my mind haha. Anyway, now we have finished week 34. Just 35 days until our January 12th due date. About 35 days until we get to meet our little bear <3

Blessed!

I have this picture on my laptop as my wallpaper background. As I logged in to do some studying and homework, I couldn't help but look at it and smile.

Besides our wedding day pictures, this is one of my favorites of us together. This was a very hard day for my sweet husband, yet look how wonderful that smile is. We had gone down to Utah to be with his family, for the funeral of his grandpa. He loved his grandpa very much, and I still remember when he found out about the news of his passing, he was shattered. It hurt me to see him grieve like that. In the picture, we were in Utah, just outside the Provo temple after his grandpa's funeral and a big family lunch. He had been a pallbearer for his grandfather, and it had a beautiful but emotional service. I had never met his grandpa, but I was also in tears at both services.
Yet, even though it was such a hard day for him, he still smiled and laughed, and we had some wonderful experiences together that really bonded us closer together.
It's also interesting to look at this picture, because just a couple days later, we returned home to our little apartment, only to find that someone had broken into it. They stole a nice peacoat that my brother in law got my husband for christmas, a bunch of my makeup and perfume, some of my jewelry, our food, and had used my husband's laptop to watch porn. It was a scary time for us, and a pretty hard few weeks on Corry. But he still smiled through it and found the light in the dark. Even though the day we got home from Utah was scary and sad, it turned out to be one of the happiest later that day. Mostly because my sweet husband is one of the happiest and most positive individuals I have ever met. I love him and I am so grateful for the light he brings to my life. I know he will be a wonderful daddy, and that our son (and other kids in the future) will love him and look up to him.

Name?: Ashleigh
Age?: 22
Height?: 5'7
Pre-pregnancy weight?: 175. But I lost a ton of weight and I am still only 171 pounds at 8 months (34 weeks)

About Your Pregnancy
Is this your first pregnancy?: Yes :)
When did you find out you were pregnant?: April 30th 
Was it planned?: Yes. We were ready for and wanted a kid. :)
What was your first reaction?: "Holy crud!" As I was washing my hands from taking the test and watching the little plus sign appear on the test.
Who was with you when you found out?: Just me, I was getting ready for people to come over and help us move while my husband was at school still.
Who was the first person you told?: My husband. I wanted to keep it a secret and do something cute for a reveal, but I was so incredibly happy and excited that I couldn't wait, so after I took it and washed my hands, I called him while he was still in class and told him.
How did your parents react?: My husband told my dad "hey, what do you think of the title "Grandpa" and my dad had this blank look on his face haha, his eyes widened a little and looked at me. I said I was pregnant and he says "how does that happen!" dad, you have four kids. I'm pretty sure you know how it happens. haha
How far along are you?: 34 weeks, 3 days.
What was your first symptom?: Nausea.
What is your due date?: Based on conception, January 3rd. Based on baby's measurements January 12th.
Do you know the sex of the baby?: Boy!
If so, what is it?: Boy... :)
Have you picked out names?: It's a secret :)
How much weight have you gained?: Lost about 35 pounds, gained about 30 back. So far I still am at 4 pounds less than pre-pregnancy weight.
Do you have stretch marks?: On my hips and lightly starting on the bottom of my belly. 
Have you felt the baby move?: Only every second of every day haha
Have you heard the heartbeat?: Yes! And last time we listened to the heartbeat, he had hiccups. It was really funny sounding.
About the birth
Will you keep the baby?: Of course.
Home or hospital birth?: Hospital
Natural or medicated birth?: Natural
Who will be in the delivery room with you?: My sweet husband.
Will you breastfeed?: Yes
Do you think you'll need a c-section?: No.
Will you cry when you hold the baby for the first time?: Haha probably.
What's the first thing you might say to him/her?: Hi little bear!
Would you let someone videotape the birth?: Not videotape, but maybe pictures.
Are you excited about the birth, or scared?: Excited! I have not felt any fear about the birth whatsoever. 

32/33 weeks

Ah! I've been so busy that I forgot to post the last couple weeks.
Week 32 went great. To be honest I don't remember a whole lot that happened that week. My days are now jam packed with homework, studying, getting ready to move, and getting ready for baby.
Week 33 was awesome. We went up to Idaho for Thanksgiving to be with my husband's family. It was so fun, and we got to play with our 1 year old nephew. We have only got to visit them twice because we live 12 hours away from each other by car. We had a wonderful trip and Thanksgiving with them. Although, I was very sore and sick after the drive up and the drive home. It was still nice getting to spend so much time with my husband and with family. It was a fantastic week.
I'll write a better post for week 34, and I'll post a baby bump picture too. Oh! I had my first baby shower too so I'll post pics from both baby showers that happen this week.
Getting close... as of today (Thursday, dec. 3rd) we have just 40 days left until my January 12th due date. Crazy! Which means 31 until the January 3rd due date. We'll see which one is right!