My first month as a mommy

I have to say that besides my mission, I think this month has been one of the most intense of my life. I compare it to my mission because it's been so intense, but I've learned so much about myself and about serving and loving another human being. It's been hard, but it's been one of the most richly rewarding months of my life. Here's some of what I experienced:

-Postpartum depression. It is very real, and can be scary. I'm not ashamed to share a little about it because I hope maybe I can help someone who's experiencing it or will experience it. If you have a baby and all of a sudden you are crying for no reason, don't just call it the weepies and expect it to pass on its own. Seriously. Call your OB or midwife. Tell your husband. Get a counselor. Go get acupuncture. I wish I had the foresight to get help the first week. It was so difficult to get through, and I only just started feeling like myself again around week 5 after his birth. Acupuncture seriously has helped the most. My coping strategies have been to call my husband, a family member or friend as soon as I feel sad or realize I'm sad or resentful for no reason. Qi Gong is also a huge one. And getting out and going for a walk for half an hour everyday with or without baby. I am feeling a lot better, but it was a struggle to overcome.

-Lots of poop! I actually don't have a huge issue changing diapers. My only issue is when Broc pees or poops on me. It's usually in that brief moment between taking the protective wet wipe off his little parts and putting the diaper on that he lets it spray. And yes, I've been pooped on several times. I don't get angry, but I definitely sit there sometimes and go "okay, what now?" haha. I remember one time I was breastfeeding him, and he was laying on a Boppy pillow. All of a sudden I hear the nastiest poop fart and I look down to see him smile while he's eating. Then I felt it, warm and sticky running down to my stomach. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Corry lifted him up and it was absolutely EVERYWHERE. It was nasty. We definitely both sat there laughing because we had no idea how to clean it. :)

-The most incredible joy! Even though I had trouble with depression, I have felt the most incredible joy and love. When I got married, I thought "I don't know how I could ever love a human as much as I love my husband." Well, that love for him grew, but a new love came along and proved to me that there is always room to grow in your capacity to love. As I write this, I watch my son playing on his play mat with his little toys and listening to Pandora. He makes such sweet little "Happy sounds" as I call them. Little coos and giggles, with the occasional smile thrown in. This is one of my absolute favorite times of the day, is watching him discover his world and learn. Watching him be happy while he experiences these things. It's incredible.

-I took a semester off of school, and at first I regretted it. I was miserable at the thought of putting my education on hold. I was afraid because in the past when I put things like this on hold, I often leave them by the wayside. I was afraid I would lose the motivation to do school anymore if I took this semester off. But those insecurities quickly faded away when I realized that I am married to the man who helped me get into school to begin with. When we were first married, I expressed to him that I wanted to go to BYU Idaho. He did everything he could to help me get into BYU Idaho even with my crappy ACT score and a not so shining High School transcript. He always helps me with my education and it is not just my dream to graduate from college and get a good education. It's his dream for me as well. 

It has been an emotional and crazy month. But as I always say lately, I wouldn't trade it for anything. It has been so amazing. I love being Broc's mom. 

Here are some pictures from when we were in the hospital welcoming our little guy. One of the happiest days of my life :)

In labor. I think this was only half an hour after I was admitted to the hospital. Calling my dad to tell him the news, and holding a vomit bag. I don't know why, but I kept throwing up for the first half or so of labor.

In labor still. Either just before or after a walk through the halls. I'm all sweaty and tired from throwing up at the same time. I remember feeling so swollen and tired.

He's here and I'm so in love! And exhausted from the almost 21 hour labor. 

Meeting Grandpa.

First bath, in the hospital from the pretty nurse he adored.

About to get his footprints done on his birth certificate. He loved this nurse too.

Getting his footprints on his birth certificate.

Precious baby boy getting his footprints done.

First picture with daddy. In his first outfit. His cute little Winnie the Pooh sleeper. This is about two hours after he was born.

I love this picture, it's so sweet and tender. Father and Son. Corry loves this boy so much, and loves being a dad. I loved watching him hold his son.

More sweet times with daddy.