When I got divorced I was in school, with no job, having had no job experience in the past 2.5 years, no family nearby, and my friends had just moved away. I was utterly alone and I had to start from the bottom. But for some reason that didn't really scare me. It stressed me out, but I was able to continue with school and find a job. Now I feel like I have been in a low place emotionally for about a week. And in the past couple days a situation arose that put me into absolute heartbreaking emotional anguish.
So I guess today I'm starting from the bottom in a different way. I'm moving on and making myself better for me and my son. There's no looking back at the past anymore. It does no good to wish for things from the past. My focus needs to be on making my future and my son's future bright and happy.
I've been stuck in a rut for the past few months. All I ever get to do is go to work on days when my son is at his dad's house and then on days when he's home with me I do homework and study and spend time with him. That has been my entire day everyday with very little variance. I made this realization a few weeks ago and asked myself "is this rut really helping me progress?" And I talked to my bishop and brought this up. He said that sometimes being in a rut is part of the plan God has in store for us. We need to work hard to get on our feet and then take the next step to accept opportunities as they arise.
I have no idea what the future holds, and it's going to take a while (and some counseling) to get through the heartbreak and anguish I've felt the past few days. But I know it will be worth it. I felt hopeless a few days ago, but I realize that hope is never really lost. It's never really gone. There's always a glimmer of hope and I just need to find that glimmer of hope and cling to it.
My glimmer of hope is my beautiful son and the opportunity I have to get this education at BYU Idaho. My son is the light and love of my life. He is such a special boy and he gives my life meaning and motivation. Being a mom is such an honor to me, and the fact that I was blessed with my boy to me means that there is a plan for me. God has amazing things in store.
I worked hard to get into college after not doing so well in High School. I was accepted into this University which means I have this amazing opportunity to better myself and provide more for my family.
There is someone out there for me, and although it might take a week or an eternity, I will work hard to improve myself and prepare to meet that person. I know he is special and will love me for who I am. He will be kind and loving and not hurt me.
I guess my theme for this post is that there is always hope in every situation. You just need to focus on finding that hope.
So take a deep breath.
Pick yourself up.
Dust yourself off.
Start all over again.
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