Taking time to heal

  Recently I went on a wonderful vacation with my son to visit our family in the Portland, OR area. It was a much needed breather from the stresses of life. Broc had a blast, and I was so relieved to be with my family after 6 long months without seeing them. Unfortunately we both caught a cold while we were there. Although Broc caught the same thing, it seems like his symptoms weren't as bad as mine. He currently has only a small cough. I'm dealing with a fever, headache, congestion and a really awful cough. This morning (Sunday, June 25th) my fever spiked to 103 and my cough was so bad I had trouble breathing. I made the decision not to go to church and to sleep in a little bit.
  Fast forward, it is now 4 pm and I've been sleeping or resting on my couch most of the day. About an hour ago I was so frustrated with myself. I was angry with myself for letting so much time during the day slip away. I could have done some laundry, planned for the week, gone for a walk, etc. I became so angry with myself that I also started struggling with anxiety from my self-punishing. I decided to turn to the scriptures and some quotes online to find some comfort. I came across these two quotes on google:


This quote holds double meaning for  me. It means healing of the heart and the body. As I saw it, the part of me that had been so angry at myself was chastised. I felt like I had let pride get in the way of healing properly.
I have to start at work again this week and dive back into my schoolwork as well. I need to be at least sort of better by the time that comes. So it is necessary for me to heal from the sickness I have. I feel like I live in constant fear of wasting time, and if I feel like I have wasted time I am not very kind to myself. But today is a necessary relaxation day. I need to take the time to heal physically and maybe it is also an opportunity for me to spiritually/ emotionally continue to heal from the wounds inflicted on me as of late.
A couple weeks ago I was at an all time low. I took a chance and put myself out there thinking it would be the noble thing to do. I was met with coldness and abuse. My heart was stomped on to say the least. The next day I knew I had to take a lot of steps all at once in order to start the healing process. Since then there have been days where I feel so anxious about facing the person who hurt me so many times, but I have no choice but to face them everyday. I was so frustrated with myself for being anxious about something I had to do.
  Overall, I really just need to be kinder to myself. I need to not be so lifted up in pride that I am angry with myself when I do not progress as quickly as I expect myself to. Sometimes I set expectations of myself that are not necessarily achievable or realistic. While it is a good thing to push yourself and stretch yourself (it is after all how we grow) - it is not okay to beat yourself up when you do not accomplish something right away or when you take the time to properly heal from a trial or sickness.
  It's okay to slow down. And I really need to learn that. It's okay to relax. It's okay to go out and make friends and hang out with them.